Blip's Birth Story

On Thursday night (02/09), I started getting another awful headache about 8 o'clock...just like clockwork.  I called Richelle and Robyn 3-way to get some sisterly advice on what I should do.  Should I go back to OB Triage?  Should I wait it out and just wait to see Dr. Tom on Friday morning?

After an hour or so of debating...my question answered itself. I started seeing spots.  So that was an automatic check-in to OB Triage.  I quickly showered and waited for Richelle to pick me up. Mike was at work, so I asked him to meet us there.  I rode with Richelle...thinking we'd spend another long night at the hospital and get sent home.  My bag was mostly packed, but by mostly...I mean not really packed.  I still needed to add a lot of last minute stuff (most of which I never used anyway).

We got there and checked in.  I was shown back to a room, asked to change and give a urine sample.  Then the rudest nurse ever came in to take care of me. I didn't expect her attitude, but she was more than willing to give it to me.  

I thought I was imagining it, but when she left the room...Richelle asked me what the nurse's problem was.  We could tell she didn't think I should have come in...even though I had specific instructions to go in for the reasons I did.  She kept telling me everything I was going through was "normal".  I just wanted to punch her.

She left the room to call the on-call doctor, Dr. J.  Dr. J knew Dr. T was on-call at Banner Estrella, so she called Dr. T to consult with her.  Dr. T told Dr. J to admit us and begin the induction process.  The snotty nurse had a completely different attitude when she came back in to tell us the news.

A few minutes later, we met our first LDR nurse, Jerri.  She came down to OB Triage to meet us and then walked us upstairs to my LDR room.  We loved Jerri instantly.  She was warm and kind...very gentle, sweet and soft spoken.

Our room (#10) was tucked away from all the other rooms.  We were excited and nervous as Jerri prepped everything to start the induction process.  She went over each step with us in depth...answering all of our questions and making sure we were comfortable.

At 2:20am, the first gel was started.  I had to lay in my bed for an hour. After that, I was able to walk for 30 minutes and sit for another 30 minutes.  After the two hours were up, we did it again.    Twice.  We walked nearly the entire second half of the second and third gels.  We held hands and strolled the hallways...eating ice chips and talking about nothing important.  It was actually kinda nice.  I hadn't progressed too much, but I was at a 2+ by the end of the third gel.

By the time the third gel was in, Jerri was getting off shift and Kara was starting her shift as our nurse.  Jerri told us that Dr. J had ordered a fourth gel, so Kara would work on that with us.  We loved Jerri...and were sad to see her go, but once we met Kara, we fell in love with her too.

When we returned to our room after our long walk at the end of gel #3, I was sitting in my rocking chair just waiting.  Dr. K, the new on-call doctor, walked in and introduced himself.  We had heard stories about Dr. K being a "pretty boy"...and he was. I had never met him, but liked him enough from talking with him.  Not that it mattered at that point.  He was delivering our baby...like it or not.  Good thing it was like.  For the record, I like my regular OB much better, but in the end, I was more than pleased with Dr. K.

Dr. K suggested we check my cervix...if all looked good, we could skip the fourth gel, break my water and start the pitocin.  I was excited to get my labor going, but nervous about the pitocin.  I was already perfectly accepting of the fact that I would get an epidural IF I was induced, but I was nervous about how the pitocin would make me feel.  It didn't take long to find out.

Dr. K came back in after a few minutes and checked my cervix.  I was dilated to a three and my cervix was very soft, so he quickly broke my water. I expected it to at least be uncomfortable, but I didn't feel a thing except the gush of warm water.  It was a strange feeling.  We were definitely having a baby that day.

I also tested positive for Group B Strep, so I was being given Penicillin via the IV in my arm.  The first two doses didn't bother me, but after that they all burned as the went in.

About 30-45 minutes after starting on the pitocin, I was getting uncomfortable.  The contractions had definitely started and were getting more and more consistent.  I was uncomfortable in my bed, so I rocked myself in the rocking chair, tried walking, tried leaning against things...I was just getting more and more uncomfortable as the minutes passed.

Richelle and Mike were both with me by this point.  I couldn't even keep up with the conversation when a contraction would come...and by the time I could catch my breath and feel a little better...the next one came and then the next one.  They were becoming more and more consistent...stronger and stronger.

Kara and I had talked about my pain control at the very beginning of her shift.  She asked me again if I wanted an epidural around 10am.  I knew the answer was yes...especially if labor was only going to get worse and I was still only dilated to a three-ish.  I had never imagined having to get an epidural so early, but in the end I decided if I was getting one, there was no reason to suffer by putting it off.  

Dr. E, the Anesthesiologist, came in and went over everything with me before she got started.  I told her I was nervous about getting an epidural.  I had some questions she answered, and then we did it.  It wasn't nearly what I imagined. I envisioned it being just plain awful since I was terrified of that thing in my back, but it really was happiness.  Within minutes, I was thankful I opted for the drugs.  Life went back to happy...and I didn't feel like biting any one's head off any longer.

Robyn came shortly after that...then Natty and Erin came too.  My parents brought Mike something to eat, and spent a few minutes with us before my dad left.  He said he'd return later.  Rob asked if he could come by, so he showed up too. It was comforting to be surrounded by a few of the people I need most in my life.  I was sad that Carol wasn't there, but after it was all over I learned that was my fault.

As the hours passed, I was still feeling okay, no actual pain, but I was really uncomfortable.  Although I couldn't feel everything about the contractions, my body knew how intense they were.  I shook like I was freezing cold for the majority of the afternoon.  Richelle said I shook so badly it looked deliberate...or as like I was having a seizure.  If it was like that with the drugs, I can't imagine what it would have felt like without them. Pitocin ain't no joke.

I was a uncomfortable during contractions, but nothing horrible.  Everyone talked and hung out until around 3 o'clock when it was time to try pushing.  I had been using the peanut ball for a while at this point too.  To be honest, most of that time is a blur...I don't remember most of the conversations (if any).

By this time, Tera (Natalie's sister), my other ah-mazing nurse, was there and it was time to see where everything was.  I was dilated to a 9.  I went from a four to a nine really quickly.

When Kara checked me, my cervix seemed to have a "lip" that hadn't quite opened all the way, so it was time to labor down a bit more.  I was pretty uncomfortable by this point.  Not in pain, per se, but the pressure was incredible.  They sat me up in the bed to nearly a 90 degree angle and let me sit for a long time.  It felt much better than lying down...the pressure nearly went away.  It was a nice break.

At about 4pm, it was time to try again.  We got ready and pushed for two contractions, but I wasn't ready quite yet.  So, they got the peanut ball, put me on my side with the ball between my legs to open my hips...hoping that would help the baby move down.  I had been making good progress using the ball.  I did that on each side for a while, and by the end I was really uncomfortable.  The pressure was unreal and I wanted to push.

It had been more than 24 hours since I had slept, so I was exhausted, but excited...and felt kind of in my own world.  There was a lot going on around me, but I didn't notice much of it.  I was so nervous and excited and scared and happy...there really isn't a way to describe it. It all felt very surreal.  I couldn't believe I was finally having my baby.

About 5pm it was time to push...this time it was really time.  Mike was next to me on my right, but I needed to be able to focus on him, so I asked him to move down a little. Carlys was also standing on my right side, so they traded spots.  Richelle and Robyn were both on my left.  Natty was taking pictures and Erin was too.  

As the nurses counted, I pushed.  It turned in to Richelle counting...and dang she can count quite loudly. She was also my encouragement when I started to get tired.  She and Mike were the two I remember the most giving me the strength to keep pushing.

One of the nurses said they could see the baby's head.  All I remember was Richelle running to see.  That made me laugh (at least on the inside).  I remember how cool I thought that was when I watched Carsen and Jake being born. Everyone was getting so excited...which made me excited. 

I remember Regina telling me that she had an easier time delivering if she had a mirror to see her progress. So, at one point, I asked if we could get out the mirror.  I wanted to see what I was doing...I was surprised that it did help me.  It really didn't seem like I was making much progress, but I continued pushing and moving the baby down.  

Kara said a lot of first babies are a lot of work, so I needed to work to get him further than he was going on his own.  So I pushed and pushed.  Three pushes...each for a count of ten per contraction.  It was hard work...but so worth it.  My nurses were also working so hard the entire time to help my body be ready for the baby.  I was glad I couldn't feel much. 

(I will be honest...I will have an easier time pushing next time.  This time I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing and I was afraid to poop.  That's the urge I felt...to push like I had to go to the bathroom, but I didn't want to.  Not because I was embarrassed by anyone in the room, but because I just didn't want to poop!!  Next time, I will just push like I am supposed to...and maybe I won't have to push for an hour.)

Finally, the baby was ready, and so was I.  Kara was ready to call the doctor in to finish the delivery.  Dr. K came in and I heard him ask why they called him in when I didn't appear to be ready ( I guess because I wasn't crowning?).  Kara explained to him that I was ready.  Each time I pushed the baby's head nearly came out, but when the contraction ended...the baby went backwards.  

While they were discussing this, I had another contraction, so I pushed.  The doctor got a clear shot of what Kara was talking about, so he got himself ready.  He suited up, took the end off the bed and brought a table of tools over.  

He sat down at the end of the bed and when my next contraction came, I pushed.  He also did something to me...some sort of stretching with his hands that Richelle said made me bleed, but it opened the way for the baby, so whatever it was...it worked.

We started again.  With each contraction I pushed three times...each for a count of ten.  My sisters and Carlys were helping me hold my legs, but I had to basically do a crunch and push for the duration of the count to ten.  If I started to get tired midway through, Richelle reminded me not to stop, not to give up, and told me I was stronger than that.  It was the motivation I needed to get through those last few contractions.

When the doctor came in, he moved my mirror, so I missed seeing what everyone else got to see.  I knew the baby's head was out for sure when everyone started crying...and cheering.  I felt the pressure, but no pain.  I continued to push until the rest of the baby was completely out at 1802 hours.  That seemed to happen so quickly...and I felt like I was in a different dimension...my own world.

Mike was crying as they placed our son on my chest.  I instantly started crying...tears of joy.  I couldn't believe we had created such a perfect little man.  He was covered in white goo...and I was never happier when he finally let out a tiny cry.  They left him on my chest for a long time.  I couldn't stop crying.  And I couldn't stop looking at him...touching him.  He was so perfect...and he was ours.  Mike cut the cord during those first few moments.

Eventually they took him from me.  He needed to be weighed and cleaned up.  Mike walked across the room to where all the baby stuff was happening.  I had been very clear with Mike long before the delivery that no matter what happened to me, he needed to stay with the baby.  I was happy he listened.  Someone in the room told me he weighed in at 6 lbs 14 ounces and was 20 inches long.  Mike told me the baby's head was 13 inches around. Everything else was perfect too.

The doctor finished with me and what he needed to do.  I delivered the placenta without even trying...or really knowing I was doing it.  The doctor said it was very small...small enough that he was surprised the baby was as big as he was.  It also has white, fatty looking spots all over it (according to Richelle).  The doctor told her that was where the placenta was dying.  I guess its lifespan was over.  And not a moment too soon. 

I got one stitch, but I didn't feel a thing...then or afterwards.  I was sore, but the swelling in that region was the worst part, in my opinion.  My first degree tear contributed, I'm sure, but no complaints.  The swelling only lasted a day or so.

After a couple of hours, everyone started to say their goodbyes.  Richelle and Robyn set out to get everyone dinner.  I felt like I was starving, but I didn't eat much that night.  I sat and shook in my bed instead.  My nurses told me it was normal to shake.  It felt like a huge dump of adrenaline.  

We had a few new visitors, but it was a calm night.  Sean, Kelly and Patrick came to see the baby.  Michelle was able to come too.  My dad came back with Raelynn. Mike's dad was sick, so his parents didn't get to be there that night.  Mike was heartsick about that, but there was nothing any of us could do about it.

When it was finally time to leave LDR, I got in a wheelchair and was handed my tiny, swaddled son.  I don't think I have ever felt happier in my entire life than I did that night.  They wheeled me to my room in postpartum...just across the hall.

As we left LDR, they played the chimes for us.  I cried again...it was finally my turn for the stupid chime.

I got settled in and everyone but Mike left.  I was exhausted, but still felt high.  We sat a held the baby together for a long time...

I never wanted those few moments to end.

**Two weeks after giving birth I can still say that my labor and birthing experience was simply amazing.  It was so much better than I anticipated.  The second it was over, I already knew I wanted to do it again.  My nurses made my experience so incredible...and my loved ones being there was so special.  When I miraculously got pregnant, I thought I would be okay with this being my only chance to experience not only pregnancy, but labor and birth too.  Now...I know I want this opportunity again.  I know I didn't have the world's greatest pregnancy, but it was such a blessing to be able to do it at all.  I can't believe how incredible it feels to bring a life into this world.  There really are no words to truly explain it.**

Jammies

Blip has some jammies that we call different things around here.  I call them jammies...or to get Mike agitated...I call them night gowns or nighties.  

 Mike calls them long shirts.

His son doesn't wear night gowns...or nighties.

I think Mike hates these jammies, but he is willing to admit that snaps suck.  Especially in the middle of the night, so Blip wears the long shirts nearly every night.

ER Visit

Our second night home from the hospital (02/13) turned out to be quite eventful.  Blip's color turned from perfectly pink to an icky yellow in about 30 minutes.  Even the whites of his eyes were yellow.


We called the pediatrician's office, but the woman who answered the after hours line told Mike we were not "established patients" so there was nothing they could do for us.  Mike was angry when he got off the phone, but more than that we were confused.  If your baby is only three or four days old...and hasn't had the opportunity to have his first regular visit yet...who the hell were we supposed to call?  


I told Mike to call the 800 number on the back of our Cigna cards.  There's a nurses line through that number and we would be able to talk to a nurse.  Mike got through to a nurse and went through a bunch of questions.  That nurse thought we should take Blip to the ER...but we weren't happy with that idea at all.


I asked Mike to call our pediatrician's office back and tell the stupid after hours lady that we ARE established...we were seen twice by Dr. O while we were in the hospital.  She is the one who released him.  When Mike made it clear to the after hours lady that we weren't going away without help, she said she would have the nurse on-call call us back.

When the nurse did call us back, she asked Mike a bunch of questions...which he answered.  She then asked us to take his temperature.  We told her we had taken it, but under his arm.  She asked us to take it rectally...which I told Mike he would have to do.  I knew Blip wouldn't be thrilled with the idea...and I just couldn't be the one to bring in the tears at that point.  The two temps were close, but too low for the baby's health.  The nurse said with his temperature lower than it should be, we had no choice but to take him in.


At this point I started crying...and it didn't stop.  My emotional roller coaster was driving me crazy by this point, but the tears just kept coming.  I was upset that the baby was sick.  I was already stressed out about the baby not eating as much as he should be.  I was exhausted.  But mostly I didn't want to take my brand new baby to the ER with all the other nasty, sick people.  I told Mike I didn't think I could take the baby in to that place and sit with him for hours around dirty, hacking, sick people.


Mike didn't want to take Blip there either, but at least he was emotionally stable enough to think clearly.  We pulled up to the ER at Banner Thunderbird (they have a pediatric unit, so we didn't feel like we needed to drive all the way to PCH this time) and parked on the curb.  He told me to wait with the baby.  Mike ran inside and told the chick at the registration desk that we had a four day old baby and wondered if we could wait in the car with him until we were called back.  She told Mike she would get us back quickly.


Mike start filling out some paperwork...and before he was even done, they called us back.  He ran out to the car to get us and turn the car off.  We left it on the curb and went directly back to triage.  After that was all done, the nurse asked us to wait in the waiting room until someone from the pediatric unit came to get us.  The waiting room was full of hacking people and a few people that looked homeless...and a few people that looked nearly dead.  I stood with the baby in the corner furthest away from anyone.  I had him swaddled and then had a big blanket completely covering the baby up against my chest.  Then Mike stood in between us and them.

Luckily, this only lasted a few minutes until someone from the pediatric unit took us back to a private room with a door.  It wasn't long before the nurse came in to check on us.  Another lady came in and did a bilirubin check with a machine that she touched Blip's face with and it gave her a reading.  Based on that reading, his levels were 15.4...putting Blip in the high risk category. Awesome.


A while later the doctor came in.  Based on the bilirubin levels, she wanted to draw some blood to more accurately check his levels.  The doctor was also under the impression that at that time, based in the information she had, Blip would be admitted to the hospital, so she wanted the nurse to start an IV at the same time she did the blood draw.


The nurse and an aide came in to do the IV.  I wasn't sure how I was going to handle my tiny infant getting an IV...and I think the nurse could tell how anxious I was about the whole thing.  She had a small syringe and a little vial of sugar water with her.  She explained to us that to an infant, sugar water acts like Morphine.  I almost laughed...really?  Morphine?

Well...I was proven wrong.  I syringed a small amount of sugar water into Blip's mouth prior to the nurse starting.  As she did her thing, I continued to syringe small amounts of sugar water into Blip's mouth...I continued the entire time the nurse was trying to stick him.


The nurse had to try sticking Blip three different times...twice on one hand and once on the other hand.  The nurse couldn't get the IV, but she did get the blood she needed.  The nurse even had to use a light on the underside of Blip's hand to help her see his tiny veins.


The most amazing part- Blip never made a peep.  He never moved...never flinched.  He slept through the entire thing.


We were shocked.  That stupid sugar water worked.


After a while longer, the doctor came back in and told us they did not want to admit Blip.  They did not think his jaundice was bad enough at that point to need hospitalization.  We also had an appointment a few hours after leaving the hospital with our pediatrician.  


We finally got home between 5-6am.  I was exhausted to the point my leg muscles were twitching and I was in tears (again).  Mike let me sleep and he stayed up with the baby.  Mike finally got the baby to sleep and came to bed around 7:30am...we had to be up at 9:30am to make our appointment.  Mike thought our appointment was at 10am, but I reassured him our appointment was at 11am.

We walked in the office a few minutes before 11am...when I signed in the chick at the front desk kindly reminded me that our appointment was at 10am.  Oops.  She was so nice...and got us in with someone else at 11:15am.  I don't remember who we saw, but other than the jaundice, everything with Blip looked great.  We were sent for more blood work...just to check his levels.  I also made an appointment for Blip's circumcision (02/24) and I made an appointment with a lactation consultant.


We headed to Sonoran Labs for another blood draw.  One of the employees there was hacking up a lung...and without washing her hands she tried to draw my child's blood.  Luckily for her, all I had to do was look at Mike and he jumped all over it.  He was very nice, but asked her to get someone who wasn't sick to draw our infant's blood.  She didn't take it well, but the woman who did draw his blood was great.  There was no sugar water, but when she pricked Blip's heel...he didn't even flinch.


My baby is a rockstar.


His bilirubin levels had lowered on their own.  That was what we needed to hear.  

My Valentine

We aren't big on celebrating Valentine's Day around here.  We don't believe in it.  I've never thought one should need a made up holiday in order to show the one you love that you love them.

But this year...I was more than pleased with our gift to each other.

And let's be honest.  It will be a lot more fun to celebrate make believe holidays with this little guy around... 

A Night at OB Triage

I've been having severe headaches for the last few days.  Off and on, but really bad at night.  On top of the headaches, my lower back has been killing me.  Horrid period cramps times 10.  Add to that some nausea at night too...and dang...I am miserable.


I was finally miserable enough last night that I agreed to go to OB Triage.  When we checked in, I was taken back quickly...Mike was asked to wait in the waiting room.  I learned quickly why.  The nurse had to get the "necessary" questions out of the way...any domestic violence?  Anything we need to keep from Mike?  Any history of STDs?  Any history of abortions?  Of course the answer to all the questions was no, but I guess it's necessary to make sure women coming in and out of the hospital are safe.


Anyway...I got changed and waited for Mike to be shown back.  The nurse got me hooked up to the monitor, checked my blood pressure and I tried to get comfortable.  After a while, I couldn't stand the discomfort in my back any longer, so I sat up.  I knew moving would most likely make the baby move too...probably making the monitor not be able to pick him up.

I was right.  The nurse came in to see why the baby wasn't showing up...I told her I couldn't lay down any longer.  She tried to get the baby back on the monitor, but was having a hard time.  She had me lay on my left side...and found him.  Unfortunately, his heart rate had dropped while he was off the monitor.  It was well below 100...so the nurse immediately put me on Oxygen and another nurse opened the door and asked if she needed help getting an IV started.  My nurse just had the other nurse get the IV stuff for her and asked her to call the doctor.  Oh boy.


While this was all going on, my nurse had me roll over to my right side to see if the baby's heart rate would go back up.  Luckily for all of us...that worked.  His heart rate slowly went back up to the low 100s.  It stayed there for a while.  Then it slowly crept back up to around 115ish.  Still low for Blip's "norm"...but in the okay range.

The nurse talked to the doctor.  She said we would most likely be admitted, so she needed to start an IV.  She found a vein she liked in the left hand...and went for it.  I have never been this heavy or this swollen, but as a phlebotomist, I do know how hard it is to "stick" someone with deep veins.  I have great veins...normally...and I've never had a problem having my blood drawn or getting an IV.  But last night...OUCH.  My vein blew...and damn that hurt.  Another nurse came in and found a vein in my left arm (close to my wrist).  That one hurt too, but not nearly as bad as the first one.  Geez...I had no idea how much a blown vein hurt.


They monitored us for a while...then they sent us out for a BPP (biophysical profile)...which measures the baby's heart rate, muscle tone, movement, breathing, and the amount of amniotic fluid around your baby.  I have had this test before.  Blip always passes.  He passed again last night too.  The first fluid measurement the chick got was a 5 (the very lowest amount that would equal normal/safe)...she remeasured and got 13.  I HATE HATE HATE that the measurements fluctuate so much.


After being brought back from the ultrasound, I was hooked back up to the monitors.  I knew we passed the BPP, but was still thinking we'd be admitted based on Blip's heart rate drop.  The nurse came in and said the doctor was going to send us home.  By that time it was 4am, so I wasn't complaining.  I knew we were both exhausted. The thought of being induced and doing another 18-24 hours of labor was going to be impossible.  I was also starving...and knew if they didn't let me eat, I REALLY wouldn't make it.


While I was laying there, I was telling Mike ALL the things I still needed to do before the baby came.  I told him I wasn't ready and that I wanted to go home.  I told him I never thought we'd be staying and that I was scared.  He comforted me as much as possible...


I had a list that still needed to be put in my hospital bag.  Plus, I hadn't put the baby book in the bag yet...I told Mike I needed that book so the baby's footprints would be done.  AND I hadn't put the carseat in yet...and I hadn't packed anything for the baby yet...not even an outfit.  


I felt overwhelmed.  I was afraid to go home.  I was afraid to stay.  I am ready to have the baby, but I am so not ready to have the baby.  I'm in pain and I want to move to the next step...I never thought I'd be terrified to actually take the next step.


We got home after 5am and passed out.  We were both exhausted.  When I woke up to call the doctor, I finally felt like I had a clear head.  I was upset they sent me home.  With the baby's heart rate dropping like that for no known reason...what if it happens again?  What if my movements or the way I sit affects him negatively?  I left a message for the doctor's assistant with my concerns.  


After a few hours, I finally got a call back from a nurse in the office.  I asked her a bunch of questions.  I told her I was concerned.  She told me Dr. T was on-call at Banner Estrella tonight, so if I felt I needed to see her tonight, I could always go there.  If not, the nurse recommended I make an appointment to see Dr. T first thing in the morning.  I made an appointment for 9am.  The nurse also reminded me I could go back to OB Triage anytime I felt concerned.


I don't want to go back just to be sent home, but I do feel concerned about all of this.  My lower back is killing me.  No headache yet today...and no nausea.  So I think I will wait it out until tomorrow unless something changes.

38 Weeks 4 Days ~ Update

**Let me preface this by saying I have never hoped (or wanted) my child would come early...especially early enough to have health issues.  I would never want anything other than THE very best for my son, so I am not writing this to get lectures from anyone on how wonderful it is that I am still pregnant and Blip is still enjoying time in the womb.  I'm just having a bad day. So just let me vent...please.**

We met with Dr. T this afternoon.  I think Mike and I both assumed we'd be leaving her office with a date for induction, but we were both very wrong. 

There is literally NO END IN SIGHT.  She is concerned about inducing me when my body is not progressing on its own.  She is worried that it will be such a long, hard labor that I will be forced in to a c-section...which I really do not want.

I don't want to be induced.  That would not be my first choice.  I have always dreamed of having one of the spontaneous "I'm in labor!" moments.  Maybe a water break...I dunno...just something exciting.  Something different than my sisters had.

However, I am in quite a bit of pain AND my ovaries have gone back up in size (They are back up to 6cm and 7cm...yes, please kill me or remove them immediately.  Did you know you can hate your own organs?).  I have been on this modified bed rest (which is now needing to be less modified and more often) for nearly 10 months, I am VERY quickly running out of paid time off as we speak, I am fat, bored, swollen, and quite frankly...I'm just plain done.

I was told to expect 32-33 weeks.  That came and went, so the next goal was 35 weeks.  After that was long gone, we hoped and prayed for 37 weeks.  I am almost 39 weeks and there is NO end in sight.

I have not progressed at all over the last week.  I am still only dilated 1 cm and 50% effaced.  I am not having any contractions...not even the stupid fake ones.  TMI: Over the last two days I have lost my mucus plug, but that honestly doesn't mean anything.  It could mean I will go into labor soon, but "soon" could just mean in this lifetime.  I have pretty bad period-like cramping, but again- that doesn't mean anything other than I have bad cramps to add to my discomfort.  I am so swollen it hurts to walk...putting pressure on my feet is nearing torture some days.  My entire body is squishy.  My tailbone feels bruised, I am getting more stretch marks, and I have four chins.

On top of all this fun, I am helping throw Sydney's bridal shower next Friday (02/17).  I never NEVER thought...not even for a second...that I would be sitting here pregnant on February 6th.  I never thought I would be stressing out over not starting my "maternity leave" yet (not that six lousy weeks can be called that when I have to go to work and leave my infant that can't even hold his head up to take care of some moron that can't keep his hands (or gun) to himself...or better yet- get a job and stop taking other people's stuff by force), not having the baby long before the shower...let alone the possibility I will be having the baby DURING the shower.  Ruining both events for everyone.

So not only have I not been able to help Richelle with the shower planning (because of stupid bed rest and stupid endless doctor's appointments), but now it would be a shock if I am able to help DURING the shower...and if I'm having the baby, how will she be with me?  I was a bride (twice now), so I know how important this all is to Syndey (who is being flown in for the shower).  I also know how important all of this is to me, so I am torn on what to feel about who and what and blah.

I am so stressed.  You'd think the stress would start my labor, but nope.  Who needs a paycheck?  Who needs to be able to follow through with their commitments?  Who needs to be pain-free?  Who needs to start losing 80 lbs so she can fit into a dress at Syndey's wedding in April? 

My positive attitude is obviously GONE for today.  I just feel miserable...and slightly depressed.  Which makes me feel worse...since we are talking about the health of my child.  I'm already a bad mother...willing my baby to be born before he wants to be so I can throw a party for someone else...and now I'm also a crybaby.  Awesome.

I have never felt so helpless in my entire life.  (That's probably an exageration, but it feels very true right this second.)

And yes...I know how badly I wanted to be pregnant.  I know how much money we spent getting pregnant (trust me...I write the stupid check EVERY month).  I know everyday Blip stays in is better for him.  Well...actually...he's full term, so I'm over that one.  I think that's why I am so stressed about all of this.  He would be just fine to come today.  And that would still put me in bad timing for work and for the shower, but at least I know I would NOT be in the hospital DURING the shower.

There is nothing I can do, but sit around and think about all of this.  I am so tired of not sleeping (OMG yes...I know I will be even more tired when the kid gets here...again- not stupid), peeing all night, snoring, sleeping on my side until it goes numb and I have to switch sides...all night long.  I am tired of my hands and feet falling asleep constantly.  I am tired of taking my stupid blood pressure.  I am tired of having every issue possible, but NOT one of them is THAT bad...yet.

I also learned the fun news that there is a 99% chance my own doctor will NOT be delivering me. Ugh.  I knew if it happened in the middle of the night we'd get the on-call doctor, but I assumed that if it happened during the day we'd get Dr. T. 

Nope.  In that practice, whoever is on-call at your hospital is the one doing the delivering...day or night.  So the very best chance I have for Dr. T delivering Blip is to have the baby THIS Thursday at Banner Estrella...where/when she will be on-call.  She isn't on-call at all next week.

I really love Dr. T, but I guess I was too stupid to ask this question when we switched.  My old OB(s) all delivered their own patients...unless it was after hours.  I thought this place would be the same.  Ugh.  I have heard great things about many doctors at this practice, but I just want my own doctor to deliver me.  This news just added to my bad day.

On top of all that crap- Mike and I can't seem to communicate about any of this.  He doesn't understand my point of view...and I am too tired and too stressed to figure out a better way to communicate it to him.  Maybe tomorrow I will figure out how to explain what I am feeling to him.  Or not.  Who knows.

I guess I am done whining/venting.

**sigh**

Date Night

We were invited out to celebrate Sarah's birthday this weekend.  It ended up being perfect...we got to spend time with Patrick and Sarah (two weekends in a row) AND we were able to have one last night out BC...before child.  The next time we go out on a date...we will be needing a babysitter.  Weird. 


AMC has a relatively new thing (new to us?) called dine-in theaters.  We met Patrick and Sarah and the AMC Esplanade for dinner and a movie all in one.  Mike and I had been wanting to try this, so it was perfect.

The theaters are set-up  with stadium style seating, but the chairs are all leather recliners.  We chose our dinner from a full menu (they have a full bar too) and even had a server that waited on us.  Mike ordered a prime rib sandwich and I ordered the prime rib tacos.  We agreed to share our food, so we could taste each meal.  We also ordered dessert to share...and cherry Cokes.  Dinner was about $40...so no more expensive (probably less expensive) than anywhere else we would have gone for dinner.  The food was pretty good too.


We also snapped a few pictures of our two pregnant bellies.  Sarah is due with their son at the end of May...so she is about four months behind me.  We are super excited that they are having a boy...especially since Blip and "Ike" will be so close in age.  I had NO idea how HUGE I look...I am.  And I mean all of me. Ugh.

This kid better love me.


We had a really nice time out together.  We were on our way home by 9:30pm.  We felt lame, but couldn't think of anything else we were up for doing.  We ended up watching a movie in bed together...which was a pretty good ending to date night for a gimp and a preggo.

37 Weeks 6 Days

I'm so close to the end, but it doesn't feel like it.  I keep waiting for it to hit me...38 weeks tomorrow and I don't feel like this pregnancy will ever end.  I don't mean this in a bad way.  It's just the truth...it's hard to imagine having this portion of our life end and our new life begin.


And a massive diet/work out plan will also begin around here for the two adults as soon as the doctor gives her blessing.  Blip will also join in...but just from his jogging stroller every evening.  I can't wait for getting dressed to NOT be a chore...both in bending over and in choosing clothing.


I am officially "that" pregnant girl...the one whose clothes don't quite fit over her belly, but refuses to buy one more piece of maternity clothing.  Yep...that's me...the one with the blue band of maternity stretch popping out from underneath. Oh well.  I usually spill food on one of my shelves (the boobs or the belly) during the day too.  Pregnancy has honestly just made me a hot mess with two chins...and really huge boobs. (huge)  The belly part is just fun.  Hopefully I will remain so thrilled with it after the baby comes OUT and it is still a part of me.  I doubt it, but we'll see.  :)


****


This week has been interesting so far.  Dr. T asked me to stay down and off my feet more, so I have been doing more of that.  My blood pressure seems to be on a roller coaster, but mostly it's good.  One thing I was told to watch for was a headache that made me see spots.  If I was to get one of those, I am to go to OB Triage.  Well...last night...I got one.  


I tried to pretend I didn't, but after about 90 minutes (or so) I decided I probably shouldn't pretend any longer.  I called Mike at work...and then called Richelle.  It was about 10pm.  I told them I was going to take a shower before anything else...always my first answer to a possible hospital visit.


When Mike got home, he ordered me to get dressed because we were going to the hospital. Damn.  I normally whine my way out of it, but I knew he was right.  Better safe than sorry, right?


We checked in and were seen pretty quickly.  My spot seeing had gone away and my headache was much less than in the beginning, so the nurse monitored Blip for a bit...did a urine sample and checked my blood pressure.  Everything checked out, so we were sent home after a few hours.  


We were both exhausted by the time we pulled into the garage.  My allergies have been kicking my butt since late last week, so my sleeping is even worse than it has been.  And with the massive amount of weight I have gained...I guess my snoring also comes in massive amounts and volumes.  Poor Mike spends many nights tossing and turning trying to tune me out...more recently he has started sleeping in Raelynn's room or on the couch to get away from my snoring.  And that doesn't touch on the potty breaks I take all night long.  He's not a deep sleeper, so everything wakes him up.  Poor guy.


This morning we met with Dr. T for my weekly appointment.  It was just a regular old check-up, but she did have some good news.  My body finally progressed towards having this baby!!  I was dilated 1 cm today and 50% effaced.  I'm smart enough to know that's not any kind of active labor, but hey...it's a start!!  And we'll take it.


This afternoon we had a growth ultrasound at the Perinatologist's office.  We had a chick we'd never had before, but she did a good job.  She thoroughly measured Blip...he is still measuring a bit small for "average" babies, but he is growing just as he should.  Three weeks ago he measured 5 lbs.  Today he measured 6.5 lbs.  That's right on track for gaining about 1/2 lb a week...which would be considered the norm.  He is now in the 24th percentile...up from the 13th.


Everything else looked good, so she sent us on our way with a few new picture of our son.  We are so close to my due date that I didn't even have to make an appointment for another growth ultrasound.  That's reality for ya.


We left the office pretty dang happy.  Dilated a teensy bit...and a perfect baby still warm and snug inside of me.  We've made it so far...and everything that we prepared ourselves for that could have gone wrong has worked itself out.  I am so thankful for all the blessings we have received...from actually getting pregnant with less than perfect embryos to possible heart defects to delivering too early.  We are so very blessed to be in our very own shoes.


I can't wait to meet this little guy.  There aren't words to describe how anxious I am...I feel so many things when I think about what's about to happen.  I just can't wait to hold my very own baby in my arms.  I just want it to happen already.


(I am really behind on scanning in U/S pics...so maybe I will get that done and get them put in the blogs they belong in.  If I don't do it before the baby graces us with his presence, it may never get done.)