Although teasing can be *fun* at times…sometimes…it's not. And anyone thinking that multiple babies coming to a couple who both work more than they're home is a fun idea…is just mean. It never bothered me that we've been so open throughout our journey, until this all happened. It made me sorry I shared anything. Mostly because I don't have a response for people that think having triplets would be awesome…but not for them…just for us. Not to mention it made Mike insane…which made it 100x worse for me. It's especially fun when saying "stop" meant nothing. I think saying stop actually fueled peoples' jokes. Nobody made these jokes last time…and twins would have been a lot easier to stomach going from zero to two.
Then add in the stress of work. This made me sorry I shared too. Being *bullied* (my word) into not going on light duty too soon, and the constant comments about bed rest and my ovaries…I wish I could crawl into a hole. Every person that walked by my desk wanted to discuss it all. And I never want to talk about it again…or explain the entire story to anyone. Ever again. But people keep asking…and even headphones on at work don't stop them anymore. I need a curtain to block off my cubicle. The teasing about multiples was probably the worst at work…it didn't matter where I went. It happened. It's hard to be upset when the support is so helpful and appreciated, and I doubt people truly have NO idea what any of this is even like.
So what will be everyone's response be to one baby? Everyone was so sure we were going to have two, three, or four. What about having one baby? Not as exciting? Awkward congratulations? Again…more times I wished nobody knew. I wished we could announce our pregnancy like a typical couple…and no other questions came with it. Except maybe about the due date.
I've definitely been more sensitive this time. The drugs have been harder on my body. The weight gain has been upsetting (at only about 10 lbs), the bruising and knots in my bum are extremely painful, the creams are disgusting (and the one I have to do in the morning is going to get me in trouble. I have to lay down for about 20-30 minutes after doing it, so of course…I fall back to sleep. Oops. Who wouldn't at 4am? I started setting multiple alarms to go off for the cream time and then the wake-up after the cream absorbs time {even though it really doesn't}. Gross…I know), and everything else I have to do is just annoying this time around. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But I am still some how grateful for all of it. Without all of the nonsense, I wouldn't get to be a mother.
Our big ultrasound day came…I was 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I was looking forward to seeing Dr. B, but she was teaching/speaking at a conference, so we saw one of the NP's, Tamara. I've seen her several times and like her just fine…but nobody is Dr. Behera.
Tamara found our baby's heartbeat. Hearing it brought tears to my eyes. It was 111 the first time she captured it…lower than Blip's if I remember correctly. She wanted to capture it a second time, but I don't remember what it was the second time. By that time Tamara found a second sack, but it was empty. I was immediately devastated. Mike had absolutely no expression on his face. She went on and did the heartbeat again…and then continued talking about the second sack. She mentioned it could also be a "bleed spot," but I haven't been bleeding, so we don't think that's what it is. A second, empty sack makes more sense…at least to me. So…most likely…I did get pregnant with our two embryos, but only one continued to divide and grow. Makes the reading a lot less funny. *sigh*
Throughout our journey I have been very blessed. I have never experienced a loss. My pregnancy with Blip was my first and only until June 27, 2014. The fact that our fair to good embryo (Blip) took and grew and remained throughout all of the trauma my body put it through is a miracle in itself. Having an "empty sack" just about broke my heart. Twins were something I was 50/50 about…I would have been over the moon to have twins, but just as much the opposite direction at the stress, cost, and everything else that comes with TWO babies for a working mother.
That doesn't even begin to explain the stress Mike was feeling with ALL the endless teasing about having multiples. And then an empty sack. Now what..?? It was such a hard thing. Feelings of relief and joy to hear and see our baby growing. And feelings of confusion and disbelief that the second stopped…and of course the questions of why. And was it my fault. Could I have done something different? Or should I have stayed on bed rest another day or two? Eaten something different? Prayed more? Yelled less? Worked less? Not lifted Blip? Of course I know this is not my doing, but these are the feelings I experienced.
I got dressed, and we met with Tamara to discuss what our plan was to be. We made an appointment for another ultrasound one week from then…and we left. I cried the entire way home. Why can't it ever be simple. Why can't my pregnancy just be easy peasy…normal like so many others. Our issues with getting pregnant aren't even with my body, so these random issues are just so unnecessary. The second sack should either be absorbed by my body or it will pass. If it passes, it could cause the entire pregnancy to pass. Same with if it's a bleed spot. Bleeding could be the ultimate worst case scenario. So Tamara said all my restrictions were still necessary…so still no sex, no lifting more than 10 lbs (so no more cheating lifting Blip…ugh), no physical activity, etc.
Sunday morning I woke up to some light bleeding. I woke Mike up to get Blip (because I could hear him calling for us, and Mike worked off duty last night…so he had about two hours of sleep). I got back in bed and called Dr. B's office. Someone called back right away…agreed with me that it was probably the second sack passing, so bed rest for the day was ordered. An ultrasound appointment for Monday morning was made and that was that.
I spent the ENTIRE day on Sunday in bed. Mike came in a took a nap as soon as Blip went down for his nap. Two hours of sleep is not enough. We had a double date planned with Rebecca and Cody to go see Warren do a show in Scottsdale. I convinced Mike that he still needed to go, and Rebecca and Cody still went too. I was bummed, but I knew Mike needed to go. Richelle kept Blip, so I stayed home alone. Richelle brought me dinner when she brought Blip back to bathe him and put him to bed. When he left for Richelle's house he was SO excited to see his Aunt Chelle and his boys…today Carsen was who he couldn't stop talking about. It's a different boy that he talks non-stop about each time. Too funny. He really, really loves his boys.
Hopefully all goes well with my ultrasound tomorrow. Hopefully that second sack or bleed spot or whatever the heck it is will be gone…and my pregnancy can move forward like normal. I'm not 100% sure what that means…since I've never experienced it, but it sure does sound nice.
