In the Back Seat

In a nutshell- we got married, did IVF, had two babies from the same batch...three years apart, continued to work full-time, tried like hell to figure out motherhood, got some things diagnosed (something for each of us...like Christmas...only harder), tried to slow our roll, wondered where the days and weeks and months went, and realized there is no having any real control, so from the back seat I'm honestly just trying to enjoy it all. The seasons of this life and all that...the one that you lose friends to people more suited for that season of their life, the one that strains a marriage because having little kids is fetching hard, the one where you realize your family came before your career...and even though that's perfectly okay...it's still hard to be less than you imagined you could be, the one where you wonder where your 30's went, the one where you long to fulfill the dreams you've had all along and now wonder how that will all happen when the days pass so quickly.

I have a beautiful life, one that isn't easy most days, but not hard enough to really complain about. I'm not going to lie and sugarcoat the BS of reality, but there really is a lot of good. We've found an okay rhythm, so that's what we are keeping time with for now. The last year has been my hardest challenge, my marriage's hardest year, my soul's toughest lessons learned. There is no woe is me, it just is what it is. I have missed journaling our life...mostly for my kids in the future when I'm no longer here to tell them our stories.  For my own therapy...for my own self-reflection (and for my brain that doesn't seem to hold quite as much for quite as long after two kids stole my brainpower while in utero). I swear it's a real thing.

I am trying to find me again. The me that I was before I became a Mrs. and the me I was before I became a mother. I don't need to be all of her again, but I need to be able to channel the time for myself, a hobby, a smaller waist, possibly washing my hair more often (maybe?), for sure more sleep...ya know the things that are actually missed when your life is filled with two tiny versions of yourself and the hubs.

I'm hopeful to get back into the swing of journaling our adventures as a Party of Four. So stick around for some older entries on our life that deserve to be documented (if I get there), and for what our future holds. We are certainly a work in progress of maintaining Happily Ever After.