Milk Makers

On Monday the issue I'm having ref: nursing my baby/not making enough milk came to a head.  I decided last week that Sunday would be my last day.  I hadn't nursed the baby in a while (still trying to make sure we know how much he is consuming and trying to make myself not want to nurse anymore), but I had been pumping several times a day.  


Throughout the week I reduced the number of times I pumped as I prepared myself to be done.  My body seemed to agree that I should be done because I started producing even less milk (which really helped me reduce the number of pumpings).  (Now I'm not sure which one came first...)  Before this I had at least been able to pump enough for one full feeding (almost every time I pumped).  


So, I pumped one last time Sunday night and thought I was good.  I honestly thought I'd come to terms with the whole situation.  24 hours later...I knew I was dead wrong.


I have felt so uneasy (for lack of a better word) about being done.  I don't know why...I have tried my hardest.  I have done everything I could to try and make more milk.  I don't know what else to do.  I WANT to be done (because of the stress it's causing me), but I don't WANT to never be able to nurse my baby again.  In my "plan" I planned to nurse for at least six months...not six weeks.


Monday night I was just at my limit with the whole situation.  I feel heartbroken...like a 17 year old girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her the week before prom.  Heartbroken.  The painful heartbreak that makes you feel like the pain could actually kill you.  (Or even the homesick feeling in your gut...the one that made Richelle drive home from Flagstaff every weekend for years.  Even after she was forbidden to do so by my dad.)


I sat on the couch and sobbed uncontrollably (and I mean belly sobs) until I couldn't breathe.  Mike held me and let me cry for a long time.  I'm pretty sure he thought I had finally lost my mind (again). 


Two days later...I think I've (almost) come to grips with my issue.  Almost.  I feel much, much better about all of this.


I nursed my baby once yesterday (only on one side) and once tonight (attempted both sides), but both times I had to supplement with the same amount of formula he normally eats for a whole feeding...so I am obviously not giving him anything near what he needs (duh).  


I don't want to (exclusively) pump anymore (and not produce anything to make it worth my while). I don't want to be attached to it anymore...so I haven't pumped since Monday night. I'm not even sore...and since Monday night I've only "drained" these girls the two times I nursed Blip.


I am still very frustrated, but I feel much more at peace now that I nursed my baby again.  Nursing him last night was what I really needed, I think.  He makes these little noises when he nurses that he doesn't make using a bottle.  I love the way he rests his hand on my breast while he's nursing...I love that he nurses so easily.  I love the bond I feel with him while he's nursing...I love that I'm the only one that can give him that.  I don't even know how to describe any of this...it probably sounds crazy.  


I know the formula thing is totally fine...and I don't think anyone is right or wrong for nursing or not nursing or whatever, I just didn't expect to feel this way.  I expected to not care one way or the other about nursing my own child...but I do care.  And this is all very emotional.  Way more than I want it to be.


My sisters think I have lost my mind, but I honestly feel like this issue has taken over my thoughts, my emotions, etc.  This is one of the hardest things I can think of that I have ever dealt with. (And I can't figure out why it's become such a huge issue for me?)  I have begged Mike to help me make a decision or to even just tell me what to do, but he refuses.  He told me he would support my decision...whatever decision I make, but he will not be a part of my decision making process.  Ugh.  THE one time I want him to tell me what to do...and he refuses! :)


And let's be clear.  It really is so stupid.  I only make enough milk to quazi-supplement the formula.  The formula is not even the supplement at this point.  My milk is!  So why is this so hard for me...ugh.


My thyroid levels are being tested this week.  I am still waiting on the results.  Even if my thyroid is the cause of my lactation issue, it may not be able to be fixed...or it is most likely too late to fix (since we don't think my milk every fully came in to begin with).  I think my best "plan" is to hope I make enough next time.


I want be done.  I hope I can convince myself of this.  I keep hoping I will just dry up and then I don't have to make the decision.  So far...that ain't happenin'.  I think it's a sign I need to figure this out, make a freaking decision and stick with it.


We'll see how that goes over the next few days.

Smiles: Take Two

Cody flashed us his smile several times tonight.  We really enjoyed that first tiny smile he gave us last weekend, but the second round was awesome.

First (Second & Third) Smile

Blip smiled his first real, non-gas smile on Friday.  It was, of course, unexpected and it happened too quickly to capture, but it did happen.  It just didn't happen to be directed to his mother.


Nope.


Blip smiled his first toothless grin at Richelle.  And he quickly did it a second time at Nana.  No smiles for Mom.


On Sunday morning Mike was changing the baby's diaper and getting him dressed while I finished getting ready.  I wandered into the baby's room and told Mike we should try and get Blip to smile for both of us at the same time...so neither one of us had to be first or miss it.


We both bent down close to the baby's face (he was on the changing table) and started baby talking and making faces.  I'm not sure if he thought we were funny or just stupid and desperate, but it worked.


We got one super cute, very quick smile from our sweet boy.


So far that's it, but it still made my day.

You (Don't) Like This

**back story: I can't always smell.  Sometimes my sniffer works...and sometimes it doesn't.  It's been this way pretty much since I got out of the academy, but I really think it started when my Chandler house had a mold issue the entire first year I lived there.  I've been to a specialist...there's nothing I can do.  It only really bothers me when I can't smell flowers...or other things I have a desire to smell.  There are times it doesn't bother me at all.  Maybe I'm just use to it now?**


On Thursday the baby and I ran to Target to grab a few things.  It was warm out, so I dressed him in a super cute new onsie we had just received as a gift and gathered my things.

I had a list of things I needed to accomplish...Target just happened to be first.  I decided I would "wear" Blip in the Baby Bjorn so I could have my entire cart (not full of car seat)...plus it would give Blip a break from being stuck in his seat all afternoon.


I parked and got out with the Bjorn.  I put the Bjorn on as I opened Blip's car door...I unbuckled his chest clip and then removed his blanket as I was telling him how sweet he was as he looked at me with big eyes.  As I started to unbuckle the bottom buckle, I noticed something all over Blip's right leg. I started to investigate...I lifted the baby's right leg and saw yellow-green poo everywhere.  There was so much of it...the only thing I could do was re-buckle the carseat, get in and drive home.


We pulled back in to the garage and headed straight upstairs to the bathroom.  I got everything I thought I would need to bathe the baby and clean up the poo...I started the water and then started the task of taking Blip out of his seat.


There wasn't nearly as much poo as it appeared, but it was enough to get under fingernails while trying to scoop it out with a wipe...many wipes were used initially on both the baby and the seat.

I finally got the baby out of his clothes and cleaned up enough to get in the tub.  I bathed him and made his smell fresh and yummy (I can smell his baby magic freshness if I hold him close enough.).  I got him dressed and settled in his swing...then came the carseat cleaning.  Ugh.  I had to scrub it, stain stick it and wash it four times to get all the poo stain out.


After I got it all washed, it had to air dry.  Without a carseat we were stuck at home....getting absolutely nothing on my list accomplished.


We did a lot on Friday to make up for it, but I hope the blow out doesn't become a common occurrence.  Whether I can smell it or not...it wasn't fun for either of us.


Luckily, I moved the blanket to take the baby out of his seat.  If I hadnt wanted to wear him in the bjorn, I would have taken him and his poo into the store and shopped.  I know I would have had some strange looks...because I'm sure that poo smelled awful.  Just not to me...or my non-working sniffer.

One Month.....but really 5 weeks

We spent Blip's one month birthday in the hospital, so this month his monthly blog on the 10th will be a bit late.  Hopefully I can stay on top of the upcoming months a little better.


At four weeks old, our little bundle of joy weighed exactly 6 lbs and 14 ounces...still.  In the week since his one month birthday, Blip has put on some ounces and even looks bigger.  We know it's all for the best, but it is very sad at the same time.  We had our tiny newborn stage for a lot longer than most people, and we enjoyed every second of it.

Blip has turned toward my voice since the night he was born.  True story.  Over the last five weeks, he has become even more alert (when he's awake).  He looks at me and it melts my heart.  He lays on his playmat and looks at the bright colors.  He has seen himself in the mirror, but I don't think he has quite seen himself in the mirror.  We'll keep working on that.


We love Blip's long thin legs and his big feet...and his cute toes.


In the last week or two Blip's hair really started looking auburn in the sunlight and brown indoors...just like mine.  And just like Grandma Dianne's hair.  A few days ago the baby's hair really started falling out on top...and by the weekend we had a George Castanza look alike on our hands.  There is tons of hair (for Blip, anyway) on the sides/back, but he looks BALD on top.  If he had hair long enough, a bad comb over would most likely be attempted.  But only because we can't shave it off (yet).

Blip still sleeps more than he doesn't.  He likes tummy time just fine, but not for too long.  He holds his head up often, but not for long periods of time.  He also like his swing and his bouncy seat.


We are blessed.  Blip self-soothes quite a bit and is not a fussy baby.  He seems happy, but has not smiled yet.  We are patiently awaiting that milestone.


Blip really loves his binky, but he'll suck his fingers if they are easier to get to.  He likes to be swaddled at night and at nap time, but only if he is really relaxed and nearly asleep.  He can wiggle his way out of a regular blanket swaddle, so we use swaddle blanket with velcro.  They are awesome...and no wiggling out of them.

None of the super cute clothes in the baby's closet fit just yet. He has been stuck wearing the handful of newborn sized clothes we were given or have purchased since he was born.  It's worked out okay...he's mostly been sleeping.  Once we start getting out more, he will fit into his wardrobe nicely.  I hope.   Slowly, but surely...he is getting too long for his newborn stuff.  

At 5 weeks and 1 day sold we moved the baby up to size 1 diapers. They seem HUGE compared to the newborn diapers, but the newborn ones are just a teensy bit snug now that Blip is gaining weight and getting teeny tiny fat rolls on his little legs.

Blip was circumcised when he was two weeks old.  The first day or so was rough, but mostly for me.  It was healed and the vaseline was put away by the two week mark. We had many issues with Blip peeing out of his diaper in the two weeks it took to heal.  We know the first few days was an issue because we didn't want to put his penis "down" in the diaper.  We wanted to leave it be, so that was our issue.  After the first few days, when the swelling went down...we aren't sure what the freaking issue was, but there was one.  No matter what we did, how we did it or what diaper we did it with...we had several messes.  His clothes, our sheets, his sheets, etc.


Now that everything is healed correctly, our only pee pee issue is the fact that he seems to pee on himself several times a week.  Maybe we are too slow with the diaper change?  Maybe he knows our new couch isn't leather, so he's trying to pee on it?  Maybe he likes pee in his hair?  We aren't sure, but it's getting old.

One thing about diapers and Blip that we do know: he HATES having his diaper changed.  It's usually the only time he really fusses. He just doesn't like it.  Mike said he wouldn't enjoy a cold wipe on his man parts either...so there ya go. :)


I was only able to consistently nurse my son for the first month. Once the four week mark hit...and he hadn't gained any weight...I had to start pumping and bottle feeding to get an accurate look at Blip's daily consumption.  We tried to thicken the baby's milk for a few days, so I continued to pump while we were in the hospital.  I have never thought I was making enough milk...and it seems now...the more I pump, the less I produce. Awesome.


I have tried to nurse the baby a few times this week, but it's a fight.  He's not getting enough and I still have to supplement...and that's if I can get him to do it now.  The doctors were concerned he may be using too many calories trying to nurse...and not taking in enough calories to then gain any weight.

I am struggling with all of this, but as my milk supply seems less  and less...and I am supplementing formula (we use Similac Sensitive) more and more...I am nearing the end of this.  It breaks my heart, but as it is now...I am doing it more for me than for him.  I want to nurse him a few more times this week and then I will be done.  


I have cried many tears...prayed about what I should do...and laid awake at night stressing about what the right decision is.  Mike told me he would support me no matter what...and said we would find a way to afford formula if we needed too, but it's one of the hardest decisions I've made thus far.  


If I stop after this coming week, I will have provided six weeks of (mostly) breast milk to my baby...and I have a few days worth frozen.  I know it's better than nothing.  And I know babies who are only formula fed are just fine.  I just need to wrap my brain around my decision and move forward.  I never thought I would want to nurse my baby so much...it's such a special thing.


I just about have the nursery COMPLETELY done.  I am waiting on a few finishing touches (the letters for his name on the wall, a window covering that I forgot to send the measurements for, and a couple pictures are all that we are waiting on).

I have absolutely loved being a mother these first 5 weeks.  There is nothing I can say to adequately explain how I feel.  I am exhausted beyond what my brain could comprehend before now, but I am so in love with my son...and with my husband.  I have never loved Mike more...I am so in love with him. And I know this is where I am supposed to be.  After everything...this is where I belong.

Sick Baby Update

Our little Blip was able to remain oxygen free throughout the night after being taken off of it.  The nurses all warned us that most babies need to be put back on oxygen after being taken off...especially at some point during the night.  Blip proved them wrong and did not need any further support.  He did need to be suctioned a few more times...and the crud they continued to get out of his sinuses was incredible.

By about 10am on Monday morning, the doctor made his way in to check on Blip.  The doctor was pleased with the recovery the baby had made and said we were okay to take him home.  We were so happy to leave with our son, but also so thankful we had such great care when we needed it.

Here's what we ended up dealing with:

Blip was positive for RSV.  His cough was pretty much gone by the day after we got home (Tuesday).  We only had to suction Blip's nose one time since we left the hospital.  This baby is so awesome...if you didn't know he was sick...you'd never be able to tell.  

He was so sick on Friday.  It was wonderful to see such a positive change in only a few days.  I am so, so thankful we were able to get Blip in to the doctor and get his sickness looked at early.  I think things could have been much worse if we had waited through the weekend to get him support.

We were also able to deal with the reflux issue.  We weren't sure if reflux was what we were dealing with, but the doctors were sure.  Our sweet, mellow child never puked or even cried from the discomfort, but he would sound like he was regurgitating after eating...sometimes a while after he ate.  At times, it seemed like he was choking....but then recovered quickly and on his own.

The doctors gave us two ways to deal with the reflux.  The first, was to add a small amount of rice cereal to Blip's food...making it a nectar consistency.  Adding the weight to the his food should help it stay down.


The second option was to give Blip a type of medicine similar to Zantac.  I'm not a super freak, but I wasn't too sure about giving my four week old prescription meds...obviously reflux isn't life threatening, and I would do whatever I needed to do to save the baby's life...but meds already?  Ugh.

Along with those options, we were also told to keep Blip upright for about 30 minutes after he eats.  We have also elevated his bed to about 30 degrees.  To keep Blip from sliding down, we have made a "nest" (rolled larger blanket in a "u" shape kept in place under his bed sheet).

We agreed to start with the rice cereal option.  I immediately disliked it.  It was a guessing game at how much rice made the formula or breast milk the right consistency.  Plus, I wasn't loving the idea of adding rice cereal to my four week old's food.  

I am sounding more and more like a freak.

After a day or so of adding rice, Blip was still showing signs of discomfort, so we started him on the Zantac.  We also stopped the cereal, but continued to keep him upright after eating and we elevated his bed.

We noticed that the baby seemed much more comfortable after his second dose of the Zantac.  No more arching his back...and very little regurgitating noises after eating.


Blip's weight was also an issue that needed to be dealt with.  I think we all believed that the weight issue was caused mostly by the reflux issue.  Blip ate enough to survive, but as little as possible to try and avoid the burning sensation of reflux.  Pretty smart if you ask me.  He never even ate every two hours...

There is also an issue with the amount of breast milk I am making.  I don't seem to make quite enough.  The doctors were also concerned that the baby may be using too many calories to nurse...while not taking in enough calories to begin with.  So I am pumping, but I am not able to pump enough to feed the baby 100% of the time.  

I was feel overwhelmed and so guilty about everything to do with nursing my sweet baby, but I do believe my milk consumption issues are all thyroid related. Lactation issues are very common in women with Hashimoto's Disease.  I know it's not my fault, but I am still struggling with what to do...what's right for me and what's right for the baby.  Hopefully I will figure it all out...and come to terms with it all very soon.

Blip has gone from eating two ounces every 3-4 hours to eating four ounces every three hours.  At night he is going longer, but it's great to see the huge increase in his consumption in just one week.

We have a home health nurse coming to the house twice a week to check on the baby, but her scale is not quite what the scale at the hospital is...or the one at the doctor's office.  We have a follow-up on Monday, so we will check his weight on our regular weight check scale.

For now, we are just happy our baby is feeling better and gaining weight.  We are also very thankful we were able to help Blip be more comfortable. So far the Zantac is a miracle for us...he seems to feel so much better.

The Postpartum Me

My little Miracle is 4 weeks & 4 days old today...and I finally got dressed and got off the couch.  It all started yesterday when we got home from the hospital.  I had no choice.  There was a NEED for me to suck it up and actually be the wife and mother I am.  


I hadn't been grocery shopping since before the baby was born...and my paycheck was less than $400, so the eating out once or twice a day BS that we've been doing since November wasn't going to cut it.  Don't get me wrong...I have made numerous lists and told my brain I needed to go, but I never actually went.  I just stayed in my jammies (since they fit) and held my baby on the couch.  


That or I just sat and wanted to cry for the majority of the day.


Finally yesterday Richelle made mention that maybe I am having some postpartum depression issues.  At first this made me angry.  


I'm fine.  


I don't need help.  


I'm just emotional about going back to work so soon...and not having a paycheck...and not having my child care in order...and being overweight...and I don't want to clean the house...or cook...but I totally could if I wanted too...and I have never been a crier, so if I finally want to be a crier...I totally can be a crier...and I don't need to buy clothes that fit because wearing my jammies and some hand-me-downs that don't fit from my sisters is just fine...and wearing a shirt with puke on it to the store is normal...and who washes their hair more than once a week anyway...because laying in bed most of the day is normal too...I'm just tired....so I will exercise tomorrow...after I eat Oreos for breakfast...and I can pay our bills in a few days...and clean up the pile of mail next week...and I will finish my list of thank you notes tomorrow too...and I can finish the baby's room another day...etc.


Ugh.


I do think I have a problem of some variety.


I am also really struggling with this whole breast feeding thing. The baby and I have figured out how to nurse...that isn't the problem.  I don't think my milk ever fully came in...which is one reason I don't think my sweet baby was able to increase his consumption or his weight.  I can pump a decent amount...after many, many hours. And the doctors think he burns too many calories trying to nurse...while not taking in enough to make up for his burned calories.


Now the doctors are having me pump and bottle feed to make sure we can determine his consumption.  I am having to supplement with formula more often (which costs us more money...with the super small paycheck...next check will be $0...awesome) and I miss nursing my son.  I didn't think I would care, but it really is something so special between a momma and her baby.


So a part of me just wants to be done.  I don't want to pump constantly and I am not making enough anyway, but there is the other half of me that just cries at the thought of quitting...of never nursing him again. I would miss how he finishes and then rests his tiny head on my (ginormous) breast...or how he has milk dripping down his chin when he's done...and how he looks up at me with his beautiful blue eyes while he nurses...or how he holds one of my fingers while I try to make sure he won't be suffocated (again...they are ginormous). 


And formula is gross.  Let's be honest.  It stains.  It smells.  It costs a small fortune.  It isn't me nursing my own baby...


I have so much anxiety over what's going on...with the breast feeding and the other stuff going on that my entire body is intermittently breaking out in a rash or a version of hives every single day...for four weeks now.  I can't take Benadryl because it will make my milk (what I do make) dry up...so I just suffer with it.  And I don't know how much longer I can take it.


I missed my postpartum appointment with my Endocrinologist, so I have NO idea what my thyroid is doing...I did get my blood work done, so I just need to call and beg for an appointment asap. 


I read today that Hashimoto's Disease does affect lactation. That at least helps answer that question.  The stupid disease affects EVERYTHING...lactation is just one of my problems right now.  Really there are so many as of today...I'm a hot mess.


So I guess I will find out what my Endo says...and if my thyroid is still on track (which I highly doubt), then I will make an appointment with my OB sooner than the six week mark so I can get myself right.  I hate feeling like I am not in my own skin...hopefully I can git it corrected quickly.

Sick Baby

Last Saturday (on my birthday) Blip started showing signs of having a cold.  He didn't fuss or act too sick, but his cold was worse on Sunday, so we made an appointment with our pediatrician on Monday morning.


We met with the doctor and she agreed he had a cold.  At that point, that's all it was...a stupid cold.  She told us to watch Blip closely because if his cold worsened, he would need "support" to get through it.  I think we both new "support" meant a hospital visit, so we smiled and left the office with our tiny baby...hoping his stupid cold would stay just that- a stupid cold.

While at the doctor's office, Blip weighed in at 7 lbs.  We used a different scale than the one we had been using for his weight checks, but since he was at 7 lbs two days after his three week mark...we were happy.  That would mean he hit 6 lbs 14 ounces on his three week birthday and then gained an ounce a day.  Everyone seemed happy about this.

We bought some saline drops for his nose/sinuses to help us break up the crap stuffing him up...and we were using the blue bulb sucker thingy to help Blip breathe better.  I couldn't believe how much yellow and green snot we got from his tiny face, but it seemed to help him.

Bu late Thursday afternoon, I knew Blip was getting worse.  He was very lethargic all day.  He hadn't been sleeping well all week (when he did sleep it was not restful like normal) and if I put him down he cried.  Blip is a very mellow baby.  He is not fussy and he doesn't cry.  He already self-soothes, so I knew he didn't feel well.  I held him all day...he just laid on me and moaned.  It was awful.


I knew it was too late to get in with the Pediatrician, so I told Mike we would just monitor the baby throughout the night and call to make an appointment first thing Friday morning.

Blip had a rough night, but did not seem any worse until Friday morning.  Mike got up with him early and let me sleep a bit.  While they were up together, Blip started having a coughing attack.  His cough had gone from dry to wet by Friday morning.  Mike called and made an appointment as soon as the opened.


At 11:15 we arrived for the appointment.  We met with Dr. Jaqemart...that's who Richelle sees, but we had not met her yet.  By the time we left the office, I absolutely loved her.  She is older and seems like a grandma...she was so sweet, kind and gentle.  I loved the way she touched the baby...and how she cared for not only him, but us as well.  I think she could tell we were struggling with how sick our child was.

When we weighed Blip (on the original scale from his weigh-ins) he  only weighed 6 lbs 14 ounces.  Ugh.  I was surprised he was only his birth weight...especially since it was his four week birthday.  Dr. J was also very concerned about his weight.  She suggested I pump and bottle feed for a 24 hour period so we could see exactly how much Blip was consuming.  He nurses well, but there is no way to know what he is taking in for sure.  I agreed to do that.

Dr. J looked Blip over and listened to his heart and lungs.  She agreed he was very sick, but then he started coughing.  As soon as she heard him cough, she told us he needed to be hospitalized.  I asked her where and she said Thunderbird.  I asked her why there and not PCH...and she assured us that they have the same level of care and Pediatric Hospitalists on duty 24/7.  She told us they have a Pediatric ICU (PICU), so if he needed an ICU, they would be able to care for him.  We felt comfortable with that, so she left the room to call the hospital.  She said we could wait in the room until she was able to get us admitted.

It took some time to get us a room at the hospital, so she asked us if we wanted to go home and pack our bag to stay with the Baby.  We thought that was a good idea, so she took down Mike's cell phone number and said she would call once we the hospital was ready for us.

We got home and the doctor called, so I packed a quick bag and headed back out the door.  We were admitted quickly once we arrived...and then were shown to our room.  Luckily, we had our own room...it was nice.  There was a hospital bed for one of us and the same "bassinet" thingy he had when he was born for Blip...and a recliner for us to sit in (sleep in) too.  I also rounded up a couple other chairs for visitors to sit on.  And we could use the "patient only" bathroom.  (This time I was smart enough to pack a roll of good toilet paper...so we didn't have to use the crap they have here.)  All in all not a bad set-up.

We have seen four Pediatrician's since we've been here.  Three Hospitalists and the on-call doctor from our Pediatrician's office.  The doctors we've seen have all been great...especially Dr. Hayes.  He came to see us on Saturday.  He was very patient and went over everything with us.  He stayed well inside the room...away from the door until we had no further questions.  He was in no rush and wanted to make sure we were comfortable.  The first doctor was good too...and so was the doctor we saw today.

The nurse today has lowered Blip's oxygen support.  We will not be released until the baby is off all oxygen for 24 hours.  He seems to be doing fine with the lower levels, so hopefully this trend will continue.  He seems content, as long as his belly is full, his diaper is dry and his nose has been suctioned.  (I can't believe the crap they are suctioning out of his tiny face!!  It's so thick and disgusting.  I am so glad they are able to get it out of him so he can breathe easier.)

Bath Time

We finally got to let Blip use his bathtub!!  After waiting and waiting for his button to fall off...then waiting and waiting for his circumcision to heal...we were FINALLY able to use his tub last night.  We weren't planning on a bath last night, but Blip peed on himself (again)...and it was everywhere.  Even his hair. 


So we decided it would be easier to clean him up by giving him a quick bath.  He has hated the whole sponge bath thing, so we hoped he would like his little tub better.

He didn't.  At least not last night.  I think he is just too little to like it at this point.  He is so tiny he doesn't fit in the sling, so he can't splash with legs or anything fun yet.


I think we will get to liking a bath once he can at least fill up the tub with more of himself...and when it isn't so cold.

 Like it or not, he was dang cute in that tub.  And he smells so yummy after a bath...I just want to hold him all night and smell him.

Turning 32

Over the weekend, I turned 32.  I hate that the number keeps getting larger, but it seems that, for me, the larger the number...the better my life.  I mostly hate that my number keeps moving up because it means my dad's number has moved too...and I'm not ready for all that.


This birthday was quite uneventful.  I am usually spoiled with a birthday WEEK, but this year the only true spoiling is all aimed at Blip.  With just giving birth...and adjusting to having a baby...I'm still shocked it's March.  


Anyway...I started my birthday celebration on Thursday.  I had lunch with Rob and Blip at the Cheesecake Factory.  I had the best Ahi salad...yum!!  We shared tiramisu for dessert...yum!!  I was shocked when I opened my present...two Madonna tickets for when she's here in October!!  I have always wanted to see Madonna live...so these tickets were a HUGE surprise and I am SUPER excited for October!!


On Friday...I got my next surprise...a cookie bouquet from my Prettiest Sister!!  I was definitely NOT expecting that, but it was tasty!! :)

On Saturday...I was surprised with beautiful flowers from my in-laws.  Again...totally unexpected, but they were a fun surprise.

After listening to a poem, I opened Mike's gift and found an apple.  The fruit...but my Apple was delivered on Monday.  Mike splurged and bought my an iPad!!  I have been wanting one for soooo long...I am excited to finally have one of my own!!  It will make life a lot happier when we are both on the couch and we both want to be on-line!!

Saturday afternoon, we headed to my dad's house for a birthday party.  Richelle picked up Macayo's take-out and Carlys made a cake.  I love my family, so this was the perfect way to celebrate turning 32.

Mike wanted to take me out to a nice dinner, but I told him I didn't have anything to wear...which for the first time in my life is the damn truth.  I've lost 30 pounds since Blip was born, but that barely covers the IVF weight gain...so I have a long way to go.  A really long way.

My birthday this year was very low key, but it was fun to spend it with not only my big family, but my perfect little family too.  I really love being a mom and can't wait to celebrate many more birthdays with my sweet husband and my son.

Random Baby Updates

Things around here have been eventful, but we really haven't been doing a whole lot other than just trying to adjust to having Blip here with us.

I really struggled with the "baby blues" the first week we were home from the hospital.  I cried and cried at EVERYTHING.  It was ridiculous.  I have never cried so much in my entire life.  I was never happier when the crying stopped. Ugh...what a nightmare.

Mike was home with me for two weeks, but had to go back last week. We had only planned for him to take a week off, but during one of my crying attacks I begged him to stay with me for another week.  

We are truly enjoying being parents...although so far...we haven't done much more than love our tiny miracle.  The nights are long, but the sleeping is very short.  The baby sleeps about three hours in between feedings, which we appreciate, but the broken sleep is starting to take its toll.




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Blip was circumcised on his two week birthday.  I had a much harder time with everything than Blip did.  Richelle and I took the baby for his appointment...and I did just fine.  The doctor asked me if I wanted to be in the room for the procedure.  The curious part of me did want to be in there, but the mom in me did NOT want to be anywhere near that room.

When they brought the baby back to me, he was calm, but hungry.  So he nursed for a while before the nurse came in to go over everything.  I thought I was good to go when we left...then I let Richelle go home...then I had a meltdown.

Both his legs like to end up in one leg hole...

Blip seemed uncomfortable, so I wanted to give him Tylenol.  I needed to call to find out the right dosage amount for his age/weight, but it was 5:06pm.  The office was closed.  I called the after hours number and waited for the nurse to call me back.

When she did call me back, she wanted me to take Blip's temperature...rectally.  Yikes!  Mike was outside working on his boat, so I figured I could take care of the baby by myself.  As I was trying to take the baby's temperature, the baby was crying, I was stressed...and the nurse was telling me stories about her grandkids.  By the time I was done and off the phone I was sobbing.  Exhaustion mixed with the baby not feeling 100%...I was done.  

I finally went outside and asked Mike to come help me.  He came inside not knowing I was a MESS.  Luckily, he is sweet on me...and could tell I was having a breakdown (lying on the floor crying gives it away, I think.).  The baby- he was fine.  The baby's mom- she was not fine.  Mike pulled me together and we got the baby situated and comfortable.




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I will say this...I have never been happier.  Tired or not, this has been such a blessing.  We are truly enjoying every second of this journey.  I love that Blip is so tiny, but I can't wait for him to fit in his clothes and smile at me.