Feelings

I was lying in bed with Mike this morning...just enjoying the only part of bed rest I actually like.  I have been debating with myself for the last few weeks whether or not I was feeling the baby move.  I am pretty sure that's what I was feeling, but I was too unsure to say it out loud.


This morning I know I felt Blip kick...and move around a bit.  I grabbed Mike's hand and placed it on my bare belly.  I know it's too early for him to be able to feel it, but the kicking was so distinct...how could he not feel it?  


He couldn't.


Damn.


It was one of the top moments in my life.  One I have been waiting for, praying for, hoping for...there aren't words that can accurately describe how it felt.  Not the kicking alone...just the whole experience.  I have never wanted anything more than this.


I am so smitten with my son.  I can't wait to hold him...to whisper in his tiny ears how much we love him...to tell him how long we've waited and wanted and loved him.  I can't wait to smell that new baby smell...and know he's ours.


This nine months seems to be such a long time, but considering how long Mike and I have wanted this baby...it really isn't much time at all.


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I spoke with the scheduling girl at APCC...she said the baby's heart "needs" to be seen in the next week.  She said that was tough with their schedule, but was able to squeeze us in next Wednesday at 0830 hrs...at their Mesa office.  Definitely not the appointment time or location I would choose, but hey...we'll take it.

We will have the echo done of the baby's heart first, and then we will consult with the Cardiologist.  I would hope we would be able to be seen at PCH if there was a need to be seen again (and again).

We are still not freaking out.  We want to, but we know there is no reason to at this point.  I've done some reading, but nothing helpful...mostly scary.  The defects that are linked with Blip's umbilical cord issue are...well...anything but positive.  

It's best to just wait to see what we are dealing with. 

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I have been having more discomfort than before.  I am guessing that as the baby grows the discomfort will become more and more.  It's nothing I can't handle...just not what I would ask for every day.  With all the issues on our plate recently, I will gladly take the discomfort.  The baby needs to grow a lot bigger than he is, so it's fine...as long as he's fine...I will be fine.  It's not forever, right?   

Pregnancy is definitely a love/hate relationship.  Women that "love" being pregnant must not have any complications.  I hope I get to have a pregnancy like that someday.  

I do love that this tiny life is growing inside of me.  What an amazing experience...the good and the bad.