Blueberry

Yesterday began week seven...our blip is now the size of a blueberry.  The blip doubled in size since last week.  I don't feel any different...just fat and tired.  My belly is so big I honestly can't believe there is only one blueberry in there.  I was told to expect to gain 15-20 lbs from the IVF...and I did.  Awesome.  But I swear my butt is huge and my belly is way bigger than it "should" be.

Picking a baby name is proving to be a lot harder than it was to name my Barbie dolls when I was little...I don't even have a short list, but if I did...it would a list of names I don't hate.  We don't want a super common name, but we don't want anything ridiculous either.

Our renters called tonight to let us know they have to break their lease early...like in 30 days.  I can't even begin to explain the amount of stress that I immediately felt.  Their dogs ruined my beautiful Berber carpet and absolutely destroyed (if there was a word that was worse than that I would use it) the backyard too.  The carpet HAS to be replaced before we can rent it to anyone else...the backyard also has to have quite a bit of work done to it to make it livable.

It's hard to imagine where the money for the fix-ups will come from...especially with all the baby stuff we need...and the stupid IVF loan that hurts every month (for the next five years).  I appreciate that IVF got me pregnant, but I still hate it...and I hate the 15+ lbs and I HATE that it cost so freaking much to have a family that 90% of the world gets to so for free.  I think it's BS.

Mike and I bought a new couch this week, but now it will be going back to the store.  The couch money will definitely be needed for more necessary items...like a crib or cheap carpet...or the second mortgage we will have to find a way to pay.

OMG that's impossible. :(

I'm not sure what we will do.  With the house needing so much work (and I can't do any of it) and so much money...we would have to have it fixed immediately.  I'm not sure what to even do about the mortgage payment for August...since even if we fixed the place and found renters, we can't even start until July 31st...and we are supposed to be out of town.  We won't have rent money to make the mortgage...and I am just sick at the thought of dumping our savings on all of this.

I am so bummed...what a crappy day.