11 Years

We met at Carrabba's for dinner for two reasons this year.  Sydney is getting ready to move to Anaheim on Saturday and we always celebrate Kyle's life on the day he lost his.

This year feels different from the last decades worth of celebrations.  This day always makes me reflect on the life we shared and the life we lost.  I also always reflect on where I am in my own life...the life I have created since that awful day in 2000.

I would be lying if I said I didn't miss Kyle.  I still think about him in some sense every day.  I still think about that awful accident almost every day too.  It's not a conscious decision...it's just there.

I am proud of how far I've come since that night.  I remember bits and pieces from the weeks following the accident, but I vividly remember thinking I did not want to be defined by my loss.  I did not want my life to be ruined because of my experience. 

Having those thoughts were strange, because I also remember how much I hoped my life wouldn't continue.  I prayed for my life to be over.  There was so much I didn't understand about the plan for my life when I wished for those things.  I am thankful I was given the strength to stand up and move forward just a little bit each day. 

It took me a long time to find it, but I honestly feel happier than I have ever been.  I feel at peace with where I am. I have everything I could possibly want (except my waistline is missing :) ).  

It took Mike and I a long time to figure out how to be happily married.  It took even longer to figure out how to start our family. Now that we're here...life seems perfect.  I can say that even with the health issues I am enduring (thanks to IVF).  I am truly enjoying being pregnant.  I feel so blessed to be carrying this child...the child that has been waiting so patiently to join our family.

It's hard to know how to feel about this day, so today I just feel content with the life I have been blessed with and thankful that Kyle was a part of it for all those years.