Over-Hormoned...Is that a word?

Last week started this cycle of hormones...

I started off with five days of two tiny pills called Femara...a cousin to Clomid (but safer for my girl parts and easier to handle...and less weight gain.).  How can 10 tiny pills cost so much?  They are a breeze...I didn't notice too much difference...maybe a little hotter (the heat kind of hot) now and then, but nothing too dramatic.

On my last day of the pills, I started a once a day morning injection called Menopur.  I did one injection in my belly for three days.  It wasn't too bad either...just more of a pain in the rear...or belly. :)  I had to mix this drug myself.  That was interesting...not hard...just a pain.  I'm always running late in the mornings...it was just one more thing making me late(r).

I finished up those two drugs the before my first ultra-sound of this cycle...which was on Tuesday.  I didn't take notes on my follicle stats, but they looked much better than the first go-round.  Much larger and several more were nearing maturity.  The NP was happy with what the hormones did this time...much better than the last attempt.  I don't like not seeing Dr. Behera, but our NP is great too. I honestly wish I didn't have to switch to a regular OB/Gyn after my first trimester...I'd rather stay with Dr. Behera. Damn.

I guess my uterine lining (sorry...TMI) isn't quite as thick as they would like it to be.  Obviously plenty of women get prego without everything being "ideal", but since we are making this process as "ideal" as possible, we might as well be "ideal" all around...so to accomplish the thicker, more "ideal" uterine lining (I can't believe this is my life) I need more estrogen.  Awesome.  This comes in a gel that I rub on the inside of my forearm (naturally hairless area of body....I could have chosen my inner thigh, but my forearm seems easier?)  So far, after two days of using "two pumps" per day...I feel okay.  My back really hurts, but that has nothing to do with hormones.  That is all thanks to the glorious gun-belt I love so much.

For fun (why stop now, right?), I don't make enough progesterone...so I have to also supplement that.  Progesterone comes in the form of a cream...and I will spare you all further details.  I use that once a day beginning the day after the IUI for 14 days.  If I am pregnant, I will continue the progesterone until the end of the first trimester.  If I am not pregnant, I can obviously discontinue using it after 14 days.  This is the hormone that last time made me have hot flashes A LOT.  It also made me cry at random times and places...for no reason.  I'm not a crier, so that's strangest part.  To stand in the middle of an empty room and sob for several minutes...for no known reason- not fun.  It's comical after I'm done with the hormones...but it's awful during. 

Awful is a harsh word, but you get my drift.

I told my Prettiest Sister today that I was sooo over all these creams, gels, pills, injections, etc...I'm already sick of it and it's only my second month/time doing it.  And these hormones are way cheaper, way less weight gaining and way less crazy-making than the IVF drugs.  She reassured me I wasn't over it...and to pretty much calm down.  The end result will be a baby...so it's totally worth it.  And it is.

I'm just tired.

I'm tired of all of it.  Tired of the calendar specifically for hormones, appointments, keeping track of everything my body does...or doesn't do.  I'm sick of sticking myself...of thinking about it...of putting receipts in the "2010 tax" folder.  The co-pays are getting ridiculous...and we are lucky.  Our insurance has covered anything we can bill as "medical".  So far we have been blessed, but the cost is still crazy-expensive.  The drugs are what is breaking the bank.

It has been nice that Mike goes to every appointment with me...he never complains or says he doesn't want to go.  After every appointment we leave encouraged...and hungry.  We make our pit-stop at In-N-Out...then we sit and talk while we eat lunch together.  Mike has been very supportive and wants a family as much as I do...if not more.  We have agreed to never fight about anything related to this subject...and we have held true to that promise. 

We also agreed to not FREAK out about any of this...we don't talk or worry about the next step.  We stay where we are...although I know we both think about it.  We have been crossing each bridge as we get to it.  I think it has helped keep our stress level down.  So many people think we must be "so stressed out" about this...but honestly...we aren't.  Concerned- yes.  But what is there to stress about?  I'm sure stress will come with the next steps...whether that means with a baby, or with whatever decision we need to make after this cycle.

I love Mike with all my heart.  And although there are days we'd like to kill each other...I couldn't imagine having a better partner to go through this with.  Being married is hard, but we both have hard heads...so it works out okay.

Tonight at precisely 2330 hours (11:30pm) I give myself one more injection called Ovidrel.  Dr. Behera calls it a "trigger shot"...meaning it triggers ovulation and ovulation will occur 36 hours later.  Totally medical and not romantic at all...I know.  But hey- whatever works, right?  We can be romantic later...when we leave the kids at our parents' house for the weekend. :)