From a Folder to a Notebook

The first time Mike and I sat in Dr. Behera's waiting room, I think we were both nervous.  We had no idea what to expect, but I remember thinking how lame it was that we were actually waiting for our "fertility doctor" to see us.  We left there feeling confident, but still nervous.  We had a lot to learn...a lot to do...and we knew we were a long way from pregnant.  We were still very positive...I think we still are.  We joke...because that's what we do.  I mean we talk about what's for dinner over a rotting body in the summer time...fertility is the last thing to be serious about.

On our second visit, I brought our cute little white folder that said "Fertility Treatment Center" on it that Tammy (Dr. Behera's nurse) had given us.  It had the paperwork Dr. Behera prepared while we met...ya know- the one with the problem, the tests we can do and the solution?  You didn't get one of these while trying to get pregnant?  Dang.  It's a fun little paper to get every time we go...somehow the list of tests to do and the list of solutions get smaller.  I liked my little folder...I thought it was a good idea (and I have OCD) to keep everything together...in case we needed it.  Ya know...how to use the creams (yuk), a "cycle" calendar that lists what day is what and what to do on each specific day.  It's a fun little tool to keep handy.  It definitely gets confusing when the amount of stuff to do on any given day multiplies.

While we waited for Dr. Behera for our second visit...a cute young blond walked in.  She was younger than me, slender, really cute...she looked tired.  With her she was lugging two binders with her.  No little white folder for her.  It made me sad.  Mostly because she had obviously been doing this longer than us (I've decided we're still new at under 2 years).  The selfishly scared part of me was sad because I knew I was probably gonna be needing a binder to replace my folder too.  I just had a feeling.

Well...today was the day.  We had another ultrasound (to make sure my ovaries were "quiet"? ...I think that means to verify I had no cysts...which they thought I did at first glance.  That was not news I wanted to hear the "new girl" doing the ultrasound say out loud.  I hate when Dr. Behera isn't the one doing the ultrasound.) We left the office (with a bill for the ultrasound in the mail) and another calendar for another month of hormones, injections, etc. 

I'm not complaining...trust me.  There is nothing to complain about.  It is what it is.  I am lucky we are both healthy and happy.   We have so many blessings to be thankful for.  It doesn't make sense to complain...life isn't fair.  That's a fact.  Many other people have many more problems than we do. 

I will complain that it has taken me 2+ months to lose six pounds and I'm sure the next three or four weeks of hot flashes and sobbing for no reason will add back at least six pounds.  On a good note: my thyroid seems to be regulated.  Well...it was regulated before the hormones over the next three weeks.  My endocrinologist was very happy this morning.

So, tomorrow I will pick up a binder and get all of paperwork out of the little white folder and into something easier to keep track of.  It's interesting how much we know in such a short amount of time...at least we'll have some final knowledge about what our future will be by the end of the year.  It will be nice to be able to make plans without the "what ifs".