It's hard to explain how the loss of one person's love can mean so much, when you have someone else sitting beside you, holding your hand...who loves you equally, but completely different.It's confusing.
It sometimes makes it all hurt that much more. I still struggle with how to feel...or how to express how I feel...sometimes I don't know how I'm supposed to feel...and sometimes I don't understand why I feel what I feel or don't feel. It's hard to know what's right...or what's allowed when you are married to someone else.
I was married to Kyle for 1 year, 5 months & 21 days.
I have now been married to Mike for 1 year, 3 months & 12 days.
I feel like I was married to Kyle most of my life. Although our lives were intertwined for much longer, our marriage really was such a short time. In reality, I guess he was a part of most of that life.
The life filled with graduations, proms & family weddings...
The life when Brooklyn was a terror, but Kyle couldn't get enough...
the life when Derek was tiny, but we raced in the house to fight over him...
the life that consisted of figuring out when 80's at 8 actually were on the radio...
the life when Robyn & Bill lived on Ocotillo with little kids...
the life we drove around in a '55...
the life that was constructed of camping trips & canasta...
the life when talking about work consisted of elevators, escalators & the Union...
the life when the mortgage was under $600 a month...
a life when he was the oxygen I needed to breathe.
There was an entire life in between, but this life has just begun. I wonder where it will be in 10 years. As for that life...I know it ended on a good note.
5 comments:
I can't believe how strong you are. I don't know you have made it through the last 9 1/2 years, but I am so glad you have. I love you :) xoxoxo
ditto to richelle. man i so remember that 2nd to last picture being taken - that was a fun trip i will never forget. you look so little at kyle's graduation :)
This post really choked me up. Especially this part.:
"It sometimes makes it all hurt that much more. I still struggle with how to feel...or how to express how I feel...sometimes I don't know how I'm supposed to feel...and sometimes I don't understand why I feel what I feel or don't feel. It's hard to know what's right...or what's allowed when you are married to someone else."
I can only imagine how that must feel, and honestly, I can just barely do that.
Randi, that was a beautiful post. You are truly an amazing woman and so unbelievably strong. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I don't know how you do it. You amaze me! Love you!
I know I've had a bad day, but I'm sitting in the laundry room crying my eyes out. I love you Mike. I just can't believe how much I miss Kyle too.
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