I'm His Wife

Fridays are usually my errand day...my day to run like crazy with Blip in tow in an attempt to get a list of everything crossed off.  I don't usually do much outside the house during my work week, and I want as much time just being a family on the two days we are complete.  If I can get the majority done on Fridays...life seems to run a lot more smoothly.  Friday July 26th was no different.  I had a ton of stuff to get done outside the house, plus swim, nap time, and all the inside chores to do too.  

After nap time, Jen was here to start swim.  She lets Blip go first before anyone arrives on Mondays and Fridays when one of us is home that early with him.  We had our lesson, I quickly dressed Blip in dry clothes, loaded the car, and we were off to get our list accomplished.  We picked up dry cleaning, dropped off mail, blah, blah, blah......and while in the car driving around I was on the phone with a friend discussing some random  topic.  As we were nearing the end of our conversation, one of our good friends Dave beeped in on the other line.  I didn't answer...thinking he was trying to convince me/us to go out of town with his family for the weekend.  I figured I would call him back when I finished with my conversation.  No biggie.

My conversation ended...and as I clicked the end button on my phone, I noticed there was a text message.  I use the blue tooth in the car, so my phone was laying on the console.  When a text comes in, and I'm not in the message app, the message is on the screen, but in a very little font size.  At the next red light I looked down, but it was too little to see all of the message.  I could only make out parts of it...and those parts confused me, so I picked up my phone to open the message and make it bigger.  Dave's message said, "I am coming to get u."  I was so confused.  First I thought he meant to go out of town, but I wasn't at home...or packed.  And Mike and I had agreed it wasn't a good weekend to go.  Then a second message came in...and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped.  Dave's message said, "We r gonna drop Cody at my house."  

I instantly understood.

I was instantly nauseous.

I instantly had a rush of deja vu...from my previous life.  I instantly thought of the doctor who told me my husband had a "0% chance of survival."  It's pretty much the only thing I remember him saying to me, but I could hear his voice as clear as if it were happening all over again.  

My thoughts quickly switched to my son...perfectly happy and buckled in his seat behind me...and as Mike's wife...I felt ill.  I felt fear.  I felt panic.  I felt helpless.  I felt so many emotions, but all I had was a text.  An unclear, very vague text, but I knew it meant something went wrong.

I tried to call Dave back several times, but got his voicemail instantly each time.  I finally wondered why I wasn't trying to call Mike...and decided that's who I needed to call.  I'll admit that I was pretty upset by this point.  I knew Mike was hurt.  I knew something had happened at work...and that's all I knew.  

His phone rang and rang and rang.  Every time it rang...and went unanswered...I could feel myself getting more and more hysterical.  Blip and I had been headed to Costco, so luckily I was parked in the back part of their lot and not driving by this point.  I'm not normally one to get hysterical over anything...I'm usually the one in control.  Which was making me more hysterical...because why was I so hysterical?  But I was.  And Blip was looking at me in his mirror like I was a crazy person.  Yet he stayed perfectly calm...he is the perfect child.

Mike finally answered his phone after it rang for about the 10th time.  He answered, "I'm okay."  But I could tell he wasn't.  Mike told me he was in a accident, and that he was being transported to JCL.  

Those were all the details he gave me.  

He kept telling me to calm down, and I felt like I had (at least a little bit).  I told him Dave's text scared me...and Mike responded, "He sent you a text!?"  I had no clue what was going on...but I said yes.  Mike told me he had talked to my dad...and that I needed to call him.  I told him I would, and that I was on my way, and that I loved him.  

We hung up, and I called my dad...he told me to come to his house, so I started heading that direction.  Then I called Richelle...no answer.  She was in Colorado with the boys for their summer trip.  She hadn't answered all day, so I figured they were busy having a good time.  I called Rob...I'm pretty sure I was still pretty hysterical sounding by this point just based on Rob's reaction to hearing my voice.  Dave sent me a message telling me where he was, so I called him back again...he ended up meeting me at my dad's house.

I pulled up to my dad's house...Dad and Raelynn were waiting out front.  I unloaded the baby, handed him my keys, and the diaper bag...then asked where my mom was.  His response was not what I expected.  "She's in Salt Lake," he replied.  My heart sank...again.  Blip is a good boy, but he is a crazy, 18-month old that likes to climb (especially stairs) and get into mischief.  I know my dad is perfectly capable of caring for him, but physically...not so much.  Some days I'm barely physically able to keep up with him.  Maybe at our house with the stairs gated off, and everything bolted to the walls...there's less of a need to chase him constantly.  I honestly had NO idea what I was in store for at the hospital, and I couldn't make my brain work well enough to come up with someone who lived close by and who wasn't out of town to watch the baby.  

When Dave got there a minute or two later, I reluctantly got in the truck...and hoped for the best.  I asked Dave if Mike or someone had called his parents, but Dave didn't know.  I asked if someone had called Patrick, but Dave didn't know that either.  I decided I would call Patrick, but he and Sarah and the kids were on vacation, so no answer.  I decided I would wait until we got to the hospital and had more information before calling anymore of Mike's family members.

I said something to Dave about the text message, and his eyes got big.  He told me he thought I had already talked to Mike...and he was SO sorry!  He told me a friend of his heard the radio traffic ref: Mike's collision, but she didn't know who Mike's call sign belonged to, so she called to ask Dave.  She told Dave he had been in a collision, so that prompted Dave to call Mike.  Mike couldn't answer, so a firefighter answered for him...Mike asked the firefighter to relay a message to Dave to call me.  

Dave didn't know he meant to tell me about the accident...so I quickly forgave Dave for the heart attack he gave me.  My only comfort at this point was that I know Mike and I feel the same way about wearing our seat-belts.  He's always wears his seat-belt...on and off duty.  I love that about him. 

Our friend Blue called to tell me he was at the hospital with Mike.  He said he would be there when I arrived, that he was with Mike, and that Mike was okay.  Blue told me where to park and that he would wait near the ambulance entry to let us in (since we weren't in uniform).  A DPS motor had gone down on the 101 that same afternoon, and he was also transported to the same hospital.  Luckily, he will be okay, but was pretty broken in that crash.  When I walked in, there was a sea of blue and tan uniforms.

I was so relieved to see Mike.  He was still in a neck brace because the doctor had not looked over all the scans yet...I was shocked all the scans were done already!  We were in the room with Mike in just under an hour after I received Dave's first message.  They worked fast!

While we waited I helped fill out paperwork (or gave answers to the supervisor there).  Once the doctor gave the okay to remove the brace, Mike was allowed to sit up a bit.  Unfortunately, every time he tried to sit up he would get dizzy...which won Mike an overnight stay at JCL.  

I called my dad to see how everything was going.  He told me Blip ate food for dinner (which I was pleasantly surprised by), and said he was fine for now.  My dad sounded exhausted.  I told him I just wanted to wait until Mike was moved from the ER before I left.  I reassured him it would be happening any minute, so I would be there soon.  

Nearly two hours later we were moved...everything takes FOREVER. As Mike was getting pushed (in his bed) into his shared accommodations my phone rang.  It was my dad wondering where I was...and I could hear my son SCREAMING.  Dave had just about the same phone call from his wife...also with a screaming baby in the background, so we said our goodbyes and left.  I told Mike I would get Cody to bed and come back after I found someone to watch him for a couple hours.

Dave had spoken with Mike's dad after we arrived, so I called to fill them in as Dave drove me back to my dad's house.  I was so exhausted by the time I got back to Blip...I just wanted to sleep.  Instead I cleaned up the messes Blip made, collected his thing, thanked my dad, and headed home.  After a bath and putting on clean jammies...I was rocking my exhausted son to sleep. It's still my very favorite part of my day.  Richelle finally called...she had left her phone in the hotel room accidentally.

I explained all the details...and that I needed her to come watch Blip...and I didn't know what to do without her in my time of need.  I explained that I just needed to take Mike clothes...because they had cut all of his off...and he was naked except for his hospital gown.  I didn't know who to call, so she hung with me and started doing her thing...all the way from Colorado.  

Bill and Billy ended up coming over to stay at the house while I went back to the hospital.  I packed a bag for Mike and headed to see my hubby.  I couldn't wait to have five minutes alone with him...so many people had been around us all evening...which is wonderful, but I just wanted to hug him, to touch him, to kiss him...to tell him how much I love him.  And that he's not allowed to scare me again.  Ever.

We were truly blessed that night.  Mike was surely being watch over and protected.  More officers die in collisions every year than die by gunfire.  I love investigating collisions, but that just makes the seriousness more real to me...I don't think people understand the power and force that's involved, but it's frightening.  It's why I'm so nuts about Blip's car-seat.  It's why I'm nuts about every kiddos car-seat.  And about wearing your seat-belt...always and correctly.  I expected to see a mess when I entered that hospital room that was sheltering my husband, but there was no blood.  He had some bruising, and was very sore.  The dizziness was scary, but luckily with time that passed.

I sat with Mike for an hour or so...just holding his hand and thanking God for keeping him safe as the tears streamed down my face.  I absolutely love that man. I love his heart, and his integrity.  I love that he works hard...and often more than he should have to.  I love that he's the father of our son...and hopefully I will get to love watching him hold another child of ours one day.  Watching him interact with Blip makes the bad days in life so much more tolerable.  We've worked really hard to be where we are...both in normal life, and in our marriage.  I very much love Mike's loyalty.

I was much calmer by this point in the night, but I couldn't help but feel the fear in my bones...maybe it's always there, but I just can't always feel it.  The fear that the man I love will be killed...again.  The fear of planning another funeral.  The fear of coping with the loss of my Love...again.  Maybe as Mike's wife I don't get the luxury of worry free because of his chosen profession, or maybe it's because of my life before this one.  

Whatever the reason, I feel humbled that it's there.  I feel blessed to have loved and lost...only to find love again.  I feel blessed to have been there to watch Mike hold our son for the first time...and to fall in love with him all over again.  Our relatively short time together thus far has been the best (and possibly the hardest) of my life.  I am beyond thankful that Mike was protected from serious harm.  And I'm thankful he has mostly healed, gone back to work, and still loves what he does every day.