I don't remember being overly-anxious about the process…or irritated by the amounts of pills and injections that I had to do. I don't remember feeling overwhelmed at the thought of not ending up pregnant…I think I was naive enough to just believe it would happen throughout the cycle. I'm sure worry crossed my mind, but it wasn't something that kept me up at night. The meds did the job they needed to do…some days were bad and some were good. The every other day appointments didn't bother me…they were just routine after a few of them.
Fast forward to April 2014. The start of our FET Cycle. Not only am I irritated by the amount of pills, appointments, and soon to be injections…I am so anxious. When we talked about doing this cycle a year ago, and I wanted to wait another year (kind of)…I really think I just wanted to keep my hope alive a little longer.
The hope that I will be blessed enough to carry another baby to term. The hope that our family will be complete after we welcome another baby. The hope that being "done" will be our choice…and not the choice of money, loans, and hourly wages.
It's hard to know that if this doesn't work…we are done. Not by choice, but by being out of choices…and money. We are still working to pay off the loan we needed to complete our IVF cycle. Luckily we were able to pay cash for the first $10k we spent over the first year of treatments. Our a/c units needing to be replaced this month…and them costing more than our first IVF cycle pretty much puts another cycle so far our of financial reach that we know it's unobtainable.
Our family planning is being decided by two frozen, fair to good embryos and a couple a/c units. It would be funny if it wasn't painfully true.
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